Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
They have beer where we have blood.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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