you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
