I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
