you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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