I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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