he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
