The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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