i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
