You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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