You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
ttyl tear gas
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
