chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
