u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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