remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
