Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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