Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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