i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
