so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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