Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
