OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
