I want to have your abortion
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
