If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
