My balls are so social today.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
