I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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