I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
