i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
