I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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