No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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