That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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