I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
