Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
FUCK WHALES
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
