maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
