Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
