The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
