So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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