Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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