Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
