he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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