Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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