Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
