i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So apparently I’m into choking now
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
