What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
did i just pee glitter
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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