he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
two words...techno handjob
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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