so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
