Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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