With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
