Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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