ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
