I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
