Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
