I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
