you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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