Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
