I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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