My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
