I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
