All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize