fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
