Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My breasts were aching with rage.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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