just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
our cab driver is having phone sex.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
