Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
