you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just pee around me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
