What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
