also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we're making bets on your personal life
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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