just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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