Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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