my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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