...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
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Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
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Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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