I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
