i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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