I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
